


voyeurism for the unwilling bandit

by brightlyburning



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Exhibitionism, Fuck Or Die, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:00:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26076076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightlyburning/pseuds/brightlyburning
Summary: "I'm afraid," Dimitri said, still apologetic, though he couldn't even do them the decency of tearing his eyes away from Felix's bare shoulders and back in the moonlight - to be fair, Sven considered, it was a very nice back, well-sculpted - "I'm carrying no money.""Bullshit," Sven said, stepping forward. He jabbed the point of his lance at Felix, who didn't even look frightened. "You, Felix. Where's your money?""Don't have any," Felix said, tone clipped, and then -Oh, Goddess --he dropped his hands to his trousers, began to tug at the laces-"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sven said, backing away. Any man who responded to burglary with dick exposure was not a man to be trifled with. "What kind of operation do you think we're running here, do you think we want to see that?"
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 30
Kudos: 79
Collections: Dimilix NSFW Bingo





	voyeurism for the unwilling bandit

"Money and weapons, now," Sven said, stabbing his lance at their gang's two captives for emphasis. Their captives - two students from Garreg Mach, one tall and fair, the other smaller and darker - seemed surprisingly nonplussed to be surrounded by raised weapons and a few mages brandishing spells. The tall one, when he'd spotted them rising from their hiding places, had even seemed to smile before forcing his expression into neutrality.

"I'm afraid we don't have any weapons," the tall one said, apologetic. "Unless, Felix...?"

The shorter grouchy one - Felix - shook his head. "None." 

Idiots, the both of them, then, coming out on this road at night and unarmed. Sven would've basked in his superiority, but then the two of them lifted hands to their collars - the bandits bristled - and-

Started to... undress, with muttered bickering and the rip of buttons through cloth.

Sven shared a baffled glance with his fellow bandits. Lyra, on the other side of their captives, lifted one shoulder in a tiny shrug. Willem, the youngest, stared wide-eyed when the tall one peeled his shirt off, exposing a lean body packed with muscle, and then squeaked when Felix threw his own shirt onto the road. The tall one flushed bright red from ears to cheeks, and his hands curled into fists by his sides.

"There, Dimitri," Felix said, chin held high. The two of them stared intently at one another. Angry, maybe, or, no: their gazes kept dipping down towards each other's bare chest, before they'd start and jerk their attention back to each other's faces. 

Felix, his pale chest blotched with the beginnings of a blush, licked his lips, and Dimitri made a sound like a horse swallowing air. 

Lyra dared a cough. "Er."

Felix wheeled on her, and Lyra, who'd speared a wyvern through the chest once, almost took a step back. "What?!"

"Is the money in the shirts?" Lyra ventured. "Because I didn't hear any coin."

"I'm afraid," Dimitri said, still apologetic, though he couldn't even do them the decency of tearing his eyes away from Felix's bare shoulders and back in the moonlight - to be fair, Sven considered, it was a very nice back, well-sculpted - "I'm carrying no money." 

The man wore pressed trousers and a jacket with enough brocade and braid to choke a man, and carried no money?

"Bullshit," Sven said, stepping forward. He jabbed the point of his lance at Felix, who didn't even look frightened. "You, Felix. Where's your money?"

"Don't have any," Felix said, tone clipped, and then -

Oh, Goddess -

-he dropped his hands to his trousers, began to tug at the laces-

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sven said, backing away. Any man who responded to burglary with dick exposure was not a man to be trifled with. "What kind of operation do you think we're running here, do you think we want to see that?"

"I could stand to see a little more," said Lyra, and appallingly, Willem. 

"Willem, you are a _baby_ , you shouldn't see anything!"

"Old enough to come on this raid," Willem said, hunching his shoulders, "and besides, oh holy Goddess and all her saints-"

Felix stood naked as the day he was born on the road, and for all the night was cool, he had the beginnings of... well. 

Maya, their elderly fire mage, sounded like she'd swallowed her tongue from next to Sven. Sven was losing the plot, if there had ever been one in the first place, and he still had no damn money.

He opened his mouth to say something, but Felix's friend Dimitri beat him to it. "Oh, Felix," and how dare he sound so pleased? "If we must to survive, then we must. My only shame is that it happens in such circumstances."

Felix lifted his pointy chin. His nipples were similarly pointy, and between his legs, oh, Saint Cethleann's rod, no, no, no-

Dimitri began to strip down as well, tossing his gauntlets aside. One caught Willem in the chest and sent him flying off the road to land in the brush. Dimitri paused, almost turned to hurry and offer help, even with his ankles caught in his pants, but Felix said, warning,

"Remember our lives are at stake, boar."

Wait, _what_?

"No, they aren't," Sven said, his voice a embarrassing squeak.

Dimitri stepped out of his trousers and smallclothes. He, too, was sporting quite the large lance. It didn't seem to think he, at least, was in danger of death. He turned to Sven and arched a brow.

"Of course they are," he said, infuriatingly calm. "It is well-known that bandits will, if they cannot extract riches from their captives, force them to display their graceful and nubile bodies in coitus for the enjoyment of their captors."

"Son," Maya said, her voice edged with dawning amusement and horror, "if I had a coin for every time we stopped someone who was neither graceful nor nubile, I wouldn't need to be a bandit."

"I don't even know what coitus _is_ ," Sven said plaintively.

"Fucking," said Lyra, cocking her head in sudden assessment of the two of them, like she was giving serious consideration to this, was she _mad_?

From the bushes at the side of the road, Willem let out an unearthly cackle of laughter. Branches snapped as his head popped up out of the greenery, his eyes glittering in mirth.

"Stop talking to them," Felix said, ignoring Sven's choked sounds, and stepped into Dimitri's personal space. He stared up at his companion with furrowed brow, his lips glistening in the moonlight.

Dimitri stared back. His eyes glittered much the same. He raised one trembling hand to cup Felix's jaw like a lover, and said, grave, "I regret our first kiss must come by force."

"No one is forcing you to do anything," said Sven, but they ignored him, only leaned closer, and closer, until their lips met in a terribly lengthy kiss.

"Come on, Sven," Maya said, nudging him in the side. "Let's leave them to their coitus."

No money, no weapons, and only the sounds of two people kissing far too intently behind him-

Sven should've stayed home. 

**Author's Note:**

> Done for the DimilixNSFWBingo. Comments and criticism are adored and replied to. Follow me on Twitter at 'carthageburning' if you'd like!


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